My First Christmas without Mom

Sadly, I am feeling disconnected from my passion. I feel sad – just very, very sad! This is my first Christmas since Mom passed. I didn’t think it would hit me so hard. To be honest, I hadn’t really thought of it at all, but all of a sudden, I became aware of a certain heaviness in my soul that I realized was nothing more, nothing less than a soul-deep sadness. I  simply miss  Mom!!!

I miss knowing that I can pick up the phone and hear her voice. I miss just knowing that she’s sitting in her chair at home. I miss being able to consult some cooking question with her!! I miss her laughter and her sense of humor!! I miss so many things about her!!

I wish she had taught me how to make my eyes twinkle! She knew how to do it and it never failed to tickle me when I saw her twinkle her eyes! I wonder… is that something you can learn or are you born with it? Nana, Mom, and her sisters all knew how to twinkle their eyes. I wish I knew how, too!!

I will choose to think of Mom looking down on me and loving me. When I see the stars twinkling in the inky black, winter, nighttime sky, I choose to think that they’re all Mom – watching over me, accompanying me as I go about my day-to-day!!

I miss you, Mom!! I love you!! I am forever grateful for all that you taught me and gave me!! I am proud to be your daughter and I know that you are proud of me!! May you forever rest in the peace you so deserve and may you twinkle your eyes down on me forever as a sign of your unfailing, forgiving love!!

I feel better already!!!

[Special thanks to sister Judy for sharing this picture with me!! This was the last sunrise that Mom enjoyed.]a-winter-sunrise

 

2 thoughts on “My First Christmas without Mom

  1. Daddy died on Christmas Day 27 years ago and it was many years before I started to look forward once again to Christmas. Maybe that was good practice for missing Mama this Christmas. When the wave hits, it seems to fit in with the darkness and chill of the season. And I remember to look at the colorful lights in the darkness, remember to keep things really simple so as not to get overwhelmed with obligations, light candles often, and smile at her picture when I turn on my computer. Somehow it’s working and I can feel all my feelings. Reaching out to all of us motherless children. Peace.

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    • That’s beautiful! It’s true that Christmas somehow has the ability to touch deep emotion. Thank-you so much for sharing what you do to keep yourself in touch with all of your feelings – it’s so important and yet, sometimes so hard to do!!
      Wise words from a wise woman – thank-you!!!
      Merry Christmas to 1+all!!

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